Forever Means a Second
by Kay the Cricketed
Summary: Well... my Taishiro. ::sighs:: Reading it, I'm convinced I should do another one a looooot better...!!! But here it is! Enjoy, read, eat popcorn and candy canes, and please review! :) :) :)


Forever Means A Second  
  
By Kay  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own them. Please do not sue me.  
  
Daisuke: We wouldn't mind a pizza, though!  
  
Author's Notes: Ah... I'm not sure. Sad, I'm thinking. ::sighs:: Maybe yaoi- Taishiro if it is! Yup, definatly yaoi. Taishiro. Really corny, too...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~I wanna love you forever  
  
And this is all I'm asking of you  
  
Ten thousand life times together  
  
Is that so much for you to do?  
  
Cause from the moment that I saw your face  
  
And felt the fire in your sweet embrace  
  
I swear I knew, I'm gonna love you forever~  
  
Jessica Simpson, "I Wanna Love You Forever"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
i'Sometimes I wonder what forever is... you know? It's weird. Forever kinda means, going on to... to..."  
  
"Infinity?" suggested an uncertain voice, baffled by the odd mood his friend was in.  
  
"Yeah- infinity- that's it. Forever means to go on through infinity, right?"  
  
"Well, theoretically, forever is actually..." The boy trailed off into silent confusion as the other boy propped up on his elbow on the smooth dark grass and looked at him pleadingly.  
  
"Just- just stop thinking like a textbook for one second, okay? And hear me out," he ordered.  
  
"Okay..."  
  
"Forever is supposed to be this long term, infinite thing that never stops. But there is no such thing as forever, because we all die or something sooner or later, right? We don't have forever, even as much as we'd like to think sometimes..." The voice grew softer, pained. "No matter how much we would like it to be that way... Forever isn't going to be real for us, not now. Not later. Not after we're dead. So... so what is forever anyway?"  
  
Silence for a moment, while the other contemplated the difficult question. Staring at the night stars, breathing lightly. "I... I don't know. There are many different theories, as I previously tried to tell you-"  
  
"I don't want theories. I want to know what you think."  
  
Another long silence, and soft breathing, neither looking at each other but at the wide expanse of sky. "I... I believe that forever is not infinity as it is defined. Forever is to long for the human mind to comprehend." His voice dropped sleepily, lazily running in circles as he pondered over everything. "Forever is based entirely on your concept of time. To some people, forever might be a couple years, because that's how long they have to be consciously aware."  
  
"Say what?"  
  
"Alive and thinking."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Forever is also different depending on where you are. Take heaven- they say forever is longer there, so therefor, forever on earth compared to forever in heaven is a mere second. Right now, even as I speak, this one moment... could be forever. From a certain point of view. Just as forever in heaven compared to forever on earth is a million times longer." His voice was softer, unguarded for a rare moment in this uncharacteristic sentiment. "Forever can be a second, or forever can be a thousand centuries. Your perspective determins your reality."  
  
There was a long silence. "Deep," the first boy said softly. "So forever can be a second... then I guess we've just spent longer than forever talking, huh?"  
  
The younger boy looked over at him from where he lay in slight surprise and smiled shly. "That's plausible."  
  
"It feels a lot longer than forever."  
  
There was a final, large gap of silent words flowing between them now, neither daring to look into each other's eyes for fear of what they might see. For fear of comfirmation, for fear of finally seeing what they wanted and needed all along. The younger boy's mind was filled with unanswerable emotions and wistful sadness, while the older and more alert of the two was holding his breath. Wishing. Thinking. Hoping for something.  
  
Each of them with different thoughts and the same feeling.  
  
'Why would anyone want to spend forever with me?' Koushiro Izumi asked softly in his mind.  
  
Taichi Kamiya looked over at the red head and his dark night eyes that seemed to be heavier tonight, sadder and more afraid.   
  
'Someday, Izzy, I'll hold you forever.'/i  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Two weeks later...  
  
I made a vow that night.   
  
I promised that I would tell him someday. That I'd actually work up the greatest courage in my life and blurt it all out- tell him everything I'd been thinking and feeling for him since I first saw him. That I'd hold him forever-- no matter how long forever was anyway. Let's hope it was a long, long time.  
  
But, you know what? Life isn't fair. In fact, life is a jerk. Life seems to like messing things up that were meant to be, even while it's doing other things right. Life made a great choice when it sent me here to the Digital World. I have my partner, my friends, two worlds to save. Finding out things I never dreamed of.   
  
Most of all, I met someone that made my heart jump into my throat everytime I looked at them.  
  
Did you know that it takes exactly three seconds to fall in love? One second to turn, the second to look, and the third for your heart to stop. That's all it takes to make you feel as though your entire world was turned upside down in a way you could get used to-- a way you loved and wanted more of. It takes a week with that person, seeing them all the time, hearing their voice, before you're to the point you have to restrain all impulses to do anything with them or you'll blurt out every thing that you're feeling. It takes three weeks before you're in devoted-forever-long-time-warm-feeling-I-need-I-want-them-forever-never-let-go-madly in love.  
  
If I thought those few hours together nearly killed me, later when we were stuck together so many times it nearly drove me insane!  
  
He was perfect in my eyes. Smart, so incredibally intelligent in so many ways. So unlike me. The way his eyes would glint with curiousity and intrigue-- mysterious and impassive eyes. Darker than the night sky I stare up at all the time here. A beautiful darkness, that seems to say it knows something you can never guess. It's weird, but I can't help but feel it's the best feature he has. Or maybe his hair-- fiery and wild. Not like Izzy at all! The dry and skeptical part of him, logical and cool to the point of boredom to everyone, seemed to contradict and challenge the colour of the spikes growing out.  
  
When he smiled, he would have this slight smirk and I-Know-Something-Again look on his face that totally made my heart pound. And, at times, the smirk would turn into a shy, soft look I noticed when he didn't realize anyone did.   
  
I found everything he did a miracle. It's weird, because instead of showing it, I pushed it away with indifference. Faked indifference, but indifference.  
  
I remember all the times I mocked him with names. Brainiac. Genius. Computer nerd.  
  
I never meant to hurt him. Not even when Kari was sick and missing, and I ended up doing the ultimate stupid deed of my life and punched him. In my dreams, and even when I'm awake, I still hear that sickening crack of my knuckles on his stunned face with spasms of guilt. I shouldn't have lost my temper. But, combined with the stress of Kari's ailment, and the urges to kiss him, I did what came most naturally to me. Pretty worthless, I guess, if that's what comes most natural to me, huh?  
  
It hurt to fight with him, and every name I called him felt like these daggers shooting into my heart. But I wasn't called Courage for anything-- I never once let them see it.   
  
There were so many times I just wanted to drop the act.  
  
Part of me still wonders to this day, would Izzy have understood? Would he have loved me like I did him? We could have spent forever together, just like we talked about in our eyesight. We may have never really talked out loud, but we always did let other things do the talking for us. Even my big mouth wasn't courageous enough to open itself and tell him straight out.   
  
Did you know, Izzy?  
  
Would you have even cared?  
  
I'm not sure, and I'm not sure I'd even want to know. Maybe what I don't know won't hurt me as much as the truth would have. I can live with being Izzy's friend, but I could never stand to have him hate me. Sometimes I would stay awake, my insides churning wildly in guilt and anxious desperation, wondering whether he hated me for something I had done earlier. I never let him fight. I never let him do anything that would get him hurt. I always made him stick close.  
  
In the end, it didn't matter. Just brought me more heartbreak when I fell in love with him even stronger.  
  
No one noticed it. Not even Sora, the holder of the Crest of Love and my best friend. I would have guessed she'd get it, but she never did seem to catch the hints and small notices. She never saw it coming-- none of them did. I'm not sure what they think about it now, since they've found out.  
  
Izzy wasn't here to find out, though.  
  
Izzy was gone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
One Week Ago...  
  
iThe blasts rocked the ground with tremendous force as they hit, causing the earth to shake and tremble violently beneath the Digidestine's feet.  
  
"Tai! He's going for another attack!" Matt gasped, barely holding onto his breath as he looked up from his place on the ground shakily. The huge bird-like Digimon with purple feathers glared down at them with it's beady black eyes. The sharp fins on it's wings looked like steel, interlocked at each joint and slicing through the air at great speed.  
  
Tai looked up in a panic, eyes widening as the Digimon swooped down low and folded it's wings. The entire area of the forest was burnt down already, in complete ruins. Disasterous mayhem consued as MetalGreymon continually attacked the strange, intense Digimon that was throwing the fiery blasts at them.   
  
"Fiendish Wing!" shrieked the bird Digimon, letting loose another array of bolts. MetalGreymon roared in pain as one struck his side, and crashed to the ground. The impact sent a bone-jaring shudder through Tai's body as he cried out in concern for his Digimon partner.   
  
"Tai, Tai- don't go in there, are you stupid?!" Matt yelled, blue eyes wide with horror as his friend charged straight into the mass of devastaion to aid his fallen partner. MetalGreymon de-digivolved to Agumon once again, and Tai snatched his exhausted and drained Digimon into his arms snugly. Glaring defiently up at the bird Digimon that looked about ready to attack again, he started to back off.  
  
"He's going to get himself killed!" Joe yelped, terrorized with fear.  
  
A small red haired boy with a laptop stood by him, dark eyes wide with horror. "T-Tai! No!"   
  
"Fiendish Wing!"  
  
"TAI!" Without warning, Kabuterimon jerked up from where he'd fallen before, as though aided by a huge burst of energy.  
  
"ELECTRO SHOCKER!"  
  
Tai and the others gasped as the unsuspecting evil Digimon was hit with the blast right in the left wing and screamed in pain.  
  
The bird Digimon fell hard. The body thudded agianst the rocks, making everyone loose their footing. Tai moaned in pain as his knee hit against one of the sharp rocks and bled. Fallen, in the dark dust, he coughed and tried to sit up.  
  
A hand grabbed his arm and tugged him into a sitting position. His bleary eyesight focused and made out Izzy's concerned face.  
  
"We did it," murmered Tai in triumph, gazing into the younger boy's sweet face.  
  
Izzy opened his mouth to say something slowly, but was interrupted by a hoarse, weak call.  
  
"F-fiiiendish wing!"  
  
"LOOK OUT!" they screamed in unison as the last attack the evil Digimon had been able to throw spiraled away toward the group. Their Digimon partners all turned, going as fast as they could, with all the power they had, as the evil Digimon collapsed after the last energy boost.  
  
It was to late.  
  
Tai only caught a glimpse of Izzy's pale, fearful face as the world went black./i  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Present Time again...  
  
I never saw Izzy's last moments alive. The others refused to tell me anything for a long time after my first reaction to the news, but finally Joe explained to me how it happened. Not without a lot of tears and dull pain.  
  
I should have been a dead man. In fact, we both should have been. The attack hit us straight in the dead center between us, ready to destroy us. But Izzy had intervened, throwing himself over me as the blast hit us. Shielding me with his body-- embracing me and waiting to be hit. He knew what would happen-- he knew... he...  
  
I escaped with sore muscles, bruises, and slight burns all over my body.  
  
Izzy's body had been completely destroyed.   
  
After even more prodding, Joe admitted that Izzy had spent his last moments on earth fully consciouse and aware of what was happened. He had been in pain-- to great a deal to speak, only to gasp for blissful air. But he'd looked at me and smiled slightly, smiled with what he had left of a face.  
  
Izzy... My guardian angel. It seems almost fitting, even though it had been my itention to be his here on earth.  
  
Are you still listening, Izzy?  
  
Are you still watching? Can you hear me, you, the only boy I loved?   
  
I would give anything to have been the one who saved you in the end. But after everything I'd done to keep you safe, in the end, I couldn't save you when you needed me. Some leader I am. Some friend I am. Worst yet, some guardian angel I am  
  
I love you, Tenshi. My innocent love. Dead, and alone for all I know, never with me again. Not until I die, at least. I can't kill myself-- my soul was never meant for that. I love life to much to let go of it. Enjoy the sun to much to stoop to that level.  
  
So I guess I'll have to live my life without you.  
  
A worse pain than any one I've faced.  
  
If you made it to wherever there's a forever, keep waiting for me, will ya? I'll make it sometime, when I've got enough time on my hands. When my own time's come to get me finally and I can go where I belong.  
  
To where I can hold you in my arms. If you'll have me?  
  
I really hope so, and in fact, I really think so. Because if I love you for nothing, then what was the point of me falling in love with you? Just like destiny chose me to help save our worlds, it chose me to fall in love with the perfect one for me. I'm willing to wait for that. To spend a thousand forevers with you, loving you, I'll wait as long as I need to.  
  
And if forever is a second, I won't have a long wait at all.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END: ::sniffs:: I kinda like this... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! MY BABY'S DEAAD!! NOOOOOOO!! :;starts wailing loudly::  
  
Daisuke: ::over sound of wailing:: We are now experiencing techinical difficulties. Soooo.... If you'll kindly review Kay's fic so she'll stop imagining poor Izzy being demolished by an evil parakeet thingie, you can now leave this torture. Sounds good, hai?  
  
Kay: ::wails over him::  
  
Daisuke: Just... JUST REVIEW! SO SHE'LL SHUT UP!!!  
  
Kay: ::squeezes her kitty named Sarah and wails:: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHH!! I WANT MY KOUSHIIIRROOOOO-KUUNNN!!!  
  
Kay's Cat: .... O.o  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


End file.
